Last week a baseball player slid into second base, potentially injuring Kansas City Royals second baseman Alcides Escobar and starting a series of bad blood-related pitches and hits and gestures and some sport was played at some point.
I think many questions have arisen from this weekend’s events. First, why did Brett Lawrie do that? Did he want to? Did he understand the consequences? Did the consequences understand? What was the gesture? What are gestures? How does the foot get hit compared to the head? How fast does 99 mph go? Would it hurt? Can it hurt? Yeah? Maybe? Who knows? It’s a disgrace? Who disgraced baseball? Should they call it disgraceball? Did you guys notice that the Mets are good? That’s weird, right? What’s the optimal leg-slide height? What team was on Fred Durst’s hat? I knew it was an MLB team but what team specifically? It was red so I’d assume the Reds or Cardinals, I guess? Should we ban all the players? Should players be able to slide? Is this a stereotype of KC baseball fans now? Do we have stereotypes? Does anyone care and will anyone care about us again after this?
All of these are real and valid questions, but the ultimate question is this: Who is Bret Lawrie?
Can anyone help? I don’t know who he is but people are mad and I don’t want to seem misinformed. I assume he plays baseball due to the uniform he wears in the video a guy on Facebook sent me, people seem to think he’s a disgrace, judging by the comment on the Facebook post “this man is a disgrace to baseball.” Did he go under a different name before this project? ‘Cause like I didn’t know who Cee-Lo Green was even though I had heard of Gnarls Barkley from a few years before that “Forget You” song came out. New producer, or something, I forget. I already forgot his name, both of the men, I mean, the singer guy and the baseball guy. That’s right, the singer and baseball guy: Fred Durst.
UPDATE: It was a Yankees hat. That’s not even one of their colors, you miserable, awful, awful man, Fred Durst. Fred Durst is a disgrace to baseball. Fred Durst is a Disgrace to Baseball.