Tay Zonday Deserves Better

Okay, I know this sounds like a joke title. Like you probably think I’m gonna go make a whole buncha jokes throughout this whole post. But guess what, y’all, there’s gonna be a dearth of jokes here. We’re entering into joke-free territory.

Well, not joke-free territory. I’m gonna make funnies but the whole conceit of this post is not funny. The whole conceit of this post is that Tay Zonday Deserves Better.

For those of you uninitiated, Tay Zonday is the guy who did the Chocolate Rain song back in 2007

tay.jpg

Continue reading

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What will we do with me after I perish in the inevitable shooting?

I used to have a scout leader who would enact a thought experiment on each Saturday campout. He’d gather everyone around and ask if we thought it would rain that day. He’d goad responses out of the youngest scouts, who’d done their homework and researched the weather before or were told the forecast by an anxious parent the night prior. They’d give percentages, they’d cite meteorologists, weather.com, that anxious parent.

His refutation was never more nuanced than “Yes.”

The amount of time it took to pack an extra raincoat in the case that the rain came was small, the mewling and hand-wringing over the stress of potentially packing said raincoat was pointless, and it’d be better to have an unused raincoat in the dry air than the alternative. It’s going to rain today.

Likewise, I’m going into education work in the United States, a country where we’ve seen eighteen gun incidents in schools already halfway through the second month of the year. There appears to be no movement regarding taking action against this from politicians. In my home state, we’ve shown a desire to get more guns on campuses, so, y’know, whatever. Violence rules, guns are cool, whatever. I’m sure it’s unlikely in comparison, whatever. I’m going to die at the hands of gun violence. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

EA Sports Announces Madden 2002 HD Special Edition

In the spirit of so many others, Electronic Arts has decided to dip into the past in order to step into the future. After waves made by recent rereleases of Shadow of the Colossus, Crash Bandicoot, and Call of Duty 4, Electronic Arts has seen both an opportunity to make some extra cash and a way to present one of its most revered classic titles to the new generation of players in 4K HD on XBOX One and PlayStation 4. That’s right, gamers, get ready for Madden NFL 2002 HD: Special Edition.

Madden 02 HD

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Science Proves that the Only Good Song Ever is “The King of Wishful Thinking” by Go West

Just yesterday, scientists from around the globe came together to drop what really seems to have been an overstepping of boundaries – The theory to determine what is actually a “good” song. It’s been released and only I have a copy of it but, trust me, the science is sound, the formula makes sense, and you don’t need to read it, and it’s real.

There have been a lot of songs over the years, I guess. “The National Anthem” “Candle in the Wind” “My Own Worst Enemy“. All of these are songs, but none of them found the scientific mountaintop reached by “The King of Wishful Thinking” by eighties Sophisti-pop group Go West. The report detailing why this song was chosen through rigorous study and formulaic research is kinda vague and honestly not all that insightful, but somehow, they came out with this track on top. The formula, honestly, seems kind of directed in favor of the song in question, but I’ll let you all be the judge of that:

awzhb7R - Imgur.gif

The primarily shoulder-based dancing of the video is classic, though.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Coming Clean: Why I Grew the Mustache

img_6571-e1517757745524.jpg

I started growing a mustache on January 15th of 2018. I didn’t make the decision consciously. The phrase “I’ll grow a mustache now” never entered my mind, no, the catalyst of this mustache’s growth was my forgetting to pack a razor blade in my suitcase on my week-long trip to Arizona.

Also, friends and potential dates, I’m sorry if my staring directly in the camera makes it seem as if I’m staring into your soul. If this diminishes my potential romantic attraction in your eyes, I apologize, and I hope you can look past that and the mustache and the narcissism because I’m very, very lonely

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Two Years Out, Carly Rae Jepsen’s “E•MO•TION” Helped Me Change for the Better

This is Todd in the Shadows’ Top 10 Best Songs of 2015 list. I’ve followed Todd since I was fifteen in the fall of 2010. I’ve since bounced off of almost every other video critic from that era, it seems. They’ve all either risen into something unrecognizable, or I’ve outgrown them, or whatever. Production values rise, they run out of things to talk about, whatever. Todd – along with the guys from Laser Time and Lindsay Ellis– remains at the same level of quality and relevance to me eight years later. (I should disclose I support all of them on Patreon)

Youtube criticism rose out of men feigning anger at things, and a disappointing amount of the most popular men out there are still doing so. When I say I’ve outgrown someone as a critic, this tendency towards immediate anger is one of the two main reasons I do so (the other is a refusal to accept more nuanced forms of criticism). Todd was the first person I remember putting out year-end “best” lists, which sort of shocked a kid who found out about him on a site named for and run by a man whose recurring gag was screaming and firing a gun at movies he didn’t like. Todd was maybe the first YouTube critic who drew me to his positive criticism as much as his negative criticism.

Todd’s Best of 2015 list came out at the end of January, 2016. I disagree with almost this entire list save for the top two songs. I took more from one particular honorable mention – Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Run Away With Me” – to which Todd lent only one line of praise:

“I don’t usually put songs that wouldn’t qualify in the honorable mentions, but, uh, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard.”

img_6553.jpg

And, no, I’m not sure how I ended up getting a signed copy from that store

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The 6 Finalists for Joe Bush Dot Net’s Second Headquarters: Revealed

jbdnhq2

The richest man in the world, James Amazon, has cut down the list of potential cities for his new big building or whatever to twenty. This year, 2018, twenty cities will fight to the death in the thunderdome for the right to have tech-yuppies move into their suburbs and patronize their Starbuckses. My money is on Atlanta because that city is good and Amazon owes it to them to gentrify it up just a lil’ bit. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment