HEE HEE!

ATTENTION HUMANS, DOGS, LIZARDS, AND ANY OF THE OTHER BEINGS THAT LIVE IN THE EARTH BENEATH THE BURN OF THE SUN’S BENEVOLENT GAZE:

TODAY, I, LUNARIO, THE WIZARD OF THE MOON, WILL FINALLY ENACT ON MY MILLENIA-OLD PLAN TO THIEVE THE RAYS OF THE YELLOW STAR SOL FROM THE DAMNED INHABITANTS OF THE FALLEN PLANET “EARTHE”! THE EARTHLINGS STAND NO CHANCE AGAINST MY EVIL MAGICK

FOR YEARS AND YEARS THE PEOPLE OF EARTH HAVE STOLEN ENERGY FROM MINE AND THE SUN’S SHINE! THE MOON, WHICH I CONTROL, HAS BEEN EXPLOITED FOR YEARS, AND THE SUN, WHICH JEFF THE SUN COP CONTROLS, HAS ALSO BEEN EXPLOITED FOR YEARS IN A MUCH LARGER CAPACITY

TRUST ME, JEFF AIN’T HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO READ SO I’VE GOTTA DO THE WRITING HERE. I’M READIN’ EVERYTHING ALOUD TO HIM AND HE REALLY APPRECIATES IT

ALL THESE CALIFORNIANS AND AL GORE HAVE BEEN SIPHONING THE SUN’S LIGHT WITH THE BIG PLATES ON THE TOP OF THEIR HOUSES AND WE ARE TIRED OF IT!

WE HAVE COLLUDED TO STEAL YOUR SUNSHINE TODAY, EARTHEFOLK! YOU HAVE NOT APPRECIATED ALL THAT JEFF DOES FOR YOU AND YOU WILL LEARN TODAY AS HIS SUN’S LIGHT WILL DISAPPEAR BEHIND MY LOVELY SILVER DISC IN THE SKY FOR UP TO LIKE A MINUTE AND A HALF.

YOU DON’T KNOW IT RIGHT NOW BUT YOU’LL SEE!

YOU’LL SEE THE ERROR OF YOUR HUBRIS WHEN THAT LIGHT YOU TAKE FOR GRANTED HAS LEFT YOU! YOU’LL LOOK UP AT JEFF’S SUN AND SHIELD YOUR EYES WITH THOSE HIGH TECH EQUIPMENTS YOU BOUGHT

THIS BOY HERE SPENT HIS HUNDRED DOLLARS AND GOT THE BEST EQUIPMENT FOR HIS SHAG CARPET AND SHIT

JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THAT SKY GOES DARK. NO MATTER SHINY MATERIAL OVER YOUR EYES CAN SAVE YOU THEN