This is a recent photograph of me:

I recently purchased this shirt for four dollars. It represents the basketball program at Georgetown University in Washington, D.C. I know I’m not normally one to purchase shirts from private Catholic universities located within the Washington, D.C. metropolitan, but there comes a day for each of us. I want to dispel some rumors, because I know what you must be thinking:

Oh, Joe must be a fan of the Georgetown Hoyas

This is wrong. I am no fan of the Georgetown Hoyas. I am a fan of three collegiate basketball teams, and these are them:
1. The one that’s named like “Satan Hell” in New Jersey
2. Detroit Pistons
3. San Diego State

Well, in that case, he must enjoy the type of basketball that they play

This is also wrong. Patrick Ewing seems like he has a bright future as a head coach, but they’re just not good quite yet.

Then Joe must appreciate what the Georgetown Hoyas basketball team represents

While this is true, I like what John Thompson did with regards to showing a bigoted establishment what an African-American head coach could do with a shot in a big city. I appreciate the play-styles of Hoya legends like Alonzo Mourning, Allen Iverson, and Patrick Ewing. I even appreciate Roy Hibbert, to a certain extent. But that’s not why I purchased the Georgetown shirt.

Joe must desire future attendance or work at that particular University

This is wrong, though I wouldn’t necessarily turn down work there depending upon the work. I know little to nothing about Georgetown University itself.

Well, I’m out of ideas, what is it that made Joe purchase the Georgetown Shirt?

Wow, you ran out of hypothetical answers there fairly quickly. I thought you’d put up more of a fight. Oh well. While all of these are good and smart guesses, especially coming up on March, the month known colloquially as “Basketball’s Birthday”, my purchasing of this shirt has little to do with any of that. Indeed:

I bought the Georgetown Shirt because I like the silly doggy wearing a hat.

That’s right. Look at that silly doggy:

Most dogs don’t wear hats. But this dog? Mr. Hoya, also known as “Georgetown, The Dog,” the Georgetown Basketball Dog? He wears one. And I respect that. That’s why I bought his shirt for four dollars.