OH GOD HERE HE COMES
Walt Disney World lays its claim to being the happiest place on Earth well. Walt Disney World stands as one of the only places where one can meet Buzz Lightyear and then promptly afterwards get yelled at by a grumpy Dad from South Orange, two of life’s greatest pleasures. They’ve got Churros to die for, dudes in barbershop quartet outfits providing medical service, and I think they’re still trying to make the Animal Kingdom thing work out.
But they lack in one thing: Eldritch Horror.
Fear not, Disney fans! There’s a terrifying uncanny valley baby right under the Disney umbrella from our friends at Pixar!
Oh, god, they just, fuck, they thought this was okay? They were just cool with this being the baby in their short film that revolved around a baby? If you can’t make a normal looking baby just don’t use a baby, please! For the love of God, don’t put that baby out there!
The ride sits you at the position of the titular Tin Toy chased by the horrifying skin-crawling baby – like, they images don’t do it justice, you need to watch the whole film to see how this baby moves, it’s a combination of its eyes, its mouth, the joints, the way that it walks and crawls
Your goal? Escape the Baby. But as we know with Disney, there’s no way to escape going on one of their rides, even if simply gazing upon The Baby disturbs and frightens you far more than any ride possibly could. The only thing more terrifying than The Baby is The Baby on a screen nineteen feet high and with its sounds coming from that far-too-polygonal mouth echoing out of man-sized speakers.
The ride is set to open in the new Nightmare Land and will open a permanent place in the back of my eyelids right as I’m about to fall asleep.