Whoa! Did anyone else see Michigan State get upset by Middle Tennessee State (Right? I’m not doing any research this morning if I don’t have to) yesterday? My bracket sure is busted, alright. That game was great, but how does it stack up against the other great March Madness upsets in history?

5. 2013: Florida Gulf Coast University (15) over Georgetown (2)

I believe that this is the highest I have ever seen a man jump. That was human exertionthat you typically only see when a mother’s children are trapped in a car and she lifts it out of a ditch. The Screamin’ Eagles of Florida Gulf State University absolutely destroyed Georgetown and sent them back home to… (It’s not the city in Guyana, I know that. I’m gonna take a stab in the dark and say) Richmond, VA. The first in a long string of disappointments for Georgetown

4. 2016: Sam F. Houston (14) over, like… Was it… I think like, Virginia Tech? (3)

It was last night. There aren’t youtube videos of it yet, but I was watching it and I was like, oh, that Texas school beat the one that isn’t Virginia but has Virginia in the name (I know it wasn’t Virginia because I’ve got 23 dollars riding on them winning the title and they definitely won) at their own game! I felt bad for those guys on the other team, though, they fought hard and came up short. I was halfway through a bowl of macaroni and cheese during that game so I don’t remember all the details. Still, I remember I was like “whoa!”.

3. 2016: Enterprise Rent-a-Car (15) not doing those Rusted Root ads (2) this year

Yeah, what the hell. That guy with the deep voice going like “ooonmyway” was supposed to be the soundtrack of my spring break, and they took that away from me. I will never forgive them. I can’t legally rent a car in several states for at least five more years from what I understand, but when I can I’m definitely not renting from Enterprise. I’ll use the other one, or whatever’s closest at the airport.

2. 2011: The CVS Clerk (probably 27-28) upsetting me (16) in the checkout line

When I was sixteen I had a VCR set up in my room and I liked to record myself playing video games to it. Not a ridiculous thing, right? I didn’t think so. Apparently this little, snot-nosed CVS clerk didn’t agree with that in March of 2011. “I didn’t think kids your age would even know what a VHS tape was! What are you getting this for?” he said. Well, NEWSFLASH, CVS Clerk! By law, I didn’t have to tell you what I was gonna do with it, and so I sort of mumbled out “piracy” and you laughed at me… “Okay, Kid” you said. I had a beard by that point, man!

At least, I was upset. And I felt madness. Look at that, that’s a shirt and a style of facial hear that an adult has. CVS clerk had no right to say that.

1. 2016: Me (15) over Bowl of Pasta (2)

Every time I make pasta, I make way too much and I also don’t want leftovers. Last night was no exception. Turns out if you heat up queso sauce and put diced jalapeños in it with some macaroni, you can make something delicious that will kill you at the same time. Also, apparently, half of the box of pasta is a lot of pasta. I figured this out when I was already about halfway through the bowl and already starting to feel full… I could’ve given up, I could’ve let it win, but I didn’t. I didn’t let myself collapse. I upset that bowl of pasta and laid on the floor for an hour before getting back up again… I am a champion. I will win. and I am not a CHILD, CVS CLERK, thank you very much. Bracket: Busted.