This Tuesday was special election day, a day upon which people across these great United States voiced their opinion and elected new officials in their local communities. These elections, while perhaps not as ballyhooed as the presidential or mid-term elections, are arguably the most important elections to the average citizen. In the odd-numbered years, we see mayoral, city council, and school board elections that can very easily change the everyday life of the voter. It is pertinent that voters come to the polls well-informed, as they’re often voting for the person who decides their child’s future in school, or chooses to put money into their roads, or vetoes the new Burger King.

Unfortunately, voters don’t turn up for the odd-year elections as much as they do the presidential ones. While this is to be expected, it’s a problem aggravated by the media’s low coverage and the average voter’s difficulty in finding information regarding a given candidate especially on a small scale. Unfortunately, voters often turn up to the polls more often than not completely unprepared to cast their vote, uninformed on the issues but still dutiful in casting a ballot.

This, I hope, is an explanation for the fact that I got voted “King Dumbass” in Dekalb County, Illinois in 2017. On election day, thousands of people decided, overwhelmingly, that I deserved to be “King Dumbass”. I ran unopposed. Thousands of ballots, reading “KING DUMBASS _ JOE BUSH” – and only that – were printed. Enough people saw that and said “Yeah, he’s King Dumbass alright” and went ahead and ticked that box. I didn’t even ask to be on there.

This is my official government photo now. The photographer told me “Joe, think real hard about your broken dreams” before he took the picture.

And I know it’s me, too, not some other Joe Bush. They threw a party for me in my living room, gave me the official certificate, and now I have to wear the nametag (and, yes, that’s the official nametag) all year until someone else gets elected under penalty of death upon removal. Plus, at least twelve people wrote-in “the website fucker” for King Dumbass, and that can’t be anyone other than me or maybe Mark Zuckerberg.

I googled it, and I don’t have any responsibilities. I don’t get to pass laws or policy or anything. I’m just King Dumbass of Dekalb County, Illinois. I don’t even live there.

I don’t even live there.