“Avengers: Infinity War” Review

Okay so leading up to today, I hadn’t seen more than I think like five of the Marvel cinematic universe movies. Off the top of my head, I think it’s only been Iron Man 2, Iron Man, the first forty minutes of Iron Man 3 with Serbian subtitles because my boss from my old camp job obtained a copy of the movie for a staff night in during the summer the movie came out but the audio and video became desynced after a while to the point of unrecognizability and I left and went to bed, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy. I’ve also seen Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver SurferSpider-Man 2, and HULK, but I don’t think those play in the whole current canon thing. Also I finally watched Being John Malkovich a few weeks ago and it’s interesting but I don’t care for that main character fellow. Also the local movie theatre kicked me out because I brought a Tall Boy of Bud Ice and two Big Macs into the theatre during Draft Day.

Fantastic-Four-Roger-Corman

That all being given, here’s my review of Avengers: Infinity War‘s page on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

So this page already doesn’t start out forcefully. A page like this about a multimillion dollar movie needs to start with some confidence, you’d think it’d earned some, yet there’s an immediate question about whether you’re even here for the movie or not.

Screen Shot 2018-05-02 at 2.49.10 PM.png

If people are coming to this page, they better be coming for the Infinity War movie, not the comic. They also better not be coming for the game development studio Infinity Ward, because if they’ve found this page they’ve just made a typo.

Probably the second major problem of this page can be seen right in the content box:

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What’s that first content? Plot. I understand why this is here – As an encyclopedia page for a film, you need to tell a basic synopsis for the film. But as we get into the meat of the Plot category, what do we have?

Spoilers.

Spoiler after Spoiler after Spoiler. Mr. America dies. Green Man dies. Benedict Cumberbatch dies. Strong Grimace gets the power glove. Spider-Man 2 stops the train and all the people are happy. Zordon dies.

thanos.jpg

Like, I get it, you gotta do what you gotta do, Mr. Wikipedia, but this is online! You can’t just spoil the movie in the page about the movie! People complain about that shit like all the time, I referenced the fact that the love interest in Final Fantasy VII dies a few weeks ago and someone threatened to kill my dog! Let people see the movie before you tell them what happens in it! Goodness! At least put a spoiler alert up!

After all that, there’s this presumptuous, pretentious shit, thinking you can just flex on us by starting up and funding an entire second Wikipedia page for the Box Office Records this page broke or whatever:

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And, no, if you’re wondering, I didn’t click on that link. I’m not going to spend my hard earned money on clicking that link.

Then, finally – and, honestly this is the most egregious part – they put in this bullshit teaser for the next movie!

Screen Shot 2018-05-02 at 3.18.22 PM

And I’m fine with that! They’ve done that in all the other ones (believe me, I saw Iron Man 2 when the guy from Up the Academy pulls a Captain Falcon shield out of a scrap heap and is all like “huh” and everyone else in the theatre started applauding and shit.

But what I’m saying is this: if you’re gonna do that, you gotta do it right. “Untitled Avengers film“? You’re telling me you couldn’t think of something better than that? At least give me like “Mr Stark and the Avengers Fight The Big Ol Villain Again (2019)”, even a mediocre placeholder title would be better than the name you gave it. I’m barely hyped up to read that article when it comes out, but I will because I’ve already sunk so much energy into the franchise.

So… overall, this article was a disappointment. I wasn’t blown away, which normally would be fine, but there was so much hype for the movie that I expected the article to reflect that and it just didn’t. It served it’s purpose, and that’s fine enough, but I expected more so that’s gonna drop the score a little bit.

Screen Shot 2018-05-02 at 3.55.25 PM

Final Score: The GamePro Guy softly smiling but not putting his thumb up

 

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About Joe Bush

The guy behind JoeBush.net and a lot of other things
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