Facts About……. The Kong

He-he-here we go!costume

the kong is back folks and he’s ready for trouble and adventure.

The Kong Hungers…

bamama.jpg

The Kong gets Huge Banana in the Banana Pile Zone under the ground.

The Kong’s Birth

Donkey Kong’s first ever appearance was at Crazy Dale’s Wine and Spirits off of I-40 in Flagstaff, Arizona in 1976. Donkey Kong read Kerouac excerpts and would do faux-bongo accompaniment on two decorative barrels while his friend Kamal read poetry.

Wine Kong.jpg

The Beret only stayed with him in 1979 but this is the one remaining photograph we have of this era in Donkey’s life

The Kong’s Introduction to Video Games

The first video game that Donkey Kong ever played was 3 Ninjas Kick Back on the Atari LYNX in 1993, and it turned him off of playing them forever. He still stars in plenty, but has decided, much like the sober bartender, that the thrill he provides is not reflexive.

The Kong’s Struggles

Donkey Kong, despite his massive strength, has very low self esteem and it hurts him from time to time. He does sees a therapist every two weeks and he credits him with helping him contextualize and compartmentalize all of his aspects of life.

confused

Kong, pictured here, explains why the fight he got in with the clerk at Shake Shack was partially lashing out at his own insecurities, in a move towards healthy self examination

The Kong’s Triumphs

box glove

Donkey Kong led the National League in hits in the 1994 at the time of the player’s strike’s beginning. He never had a season that successful again and holds some malice for Bud Selig still.

The Kong’s Downfall

After a dispute with the Roman people, the prefect Pontius (Pontie) Pilate IV publicly crucified the Kong in town square under unfair grounds. Later evidence proved him innocent.

Donkey Krucified

The Kong’s Return

Three days after crucifixion, Donkey Kong blasted away the rock of his tomb with his coconut gun, which fires in spurts.

kong gun

It is rumored that if he shoots you, it is going to hurt

The Kong can be found from time to time back at Crazy Dale’s reading out of the same Kerouac copy, earmarked and ripped to shreds. He remains a big silly gorilla who loves bananas and goes on adventures with his friends and his new shit “Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze” is available for Nintendo Switch.


Joe can be found on Twitter @joebush_joebush, on Facebook at The Post Hole, and at the state courthouse lobbying to get the shoe he threw at ex-Governor Bill Graves back.
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About Joe Bush

The guy behind JoeBush.net and a lot of other things
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