For those of us who make a point to soil ourselves wherever we please, this is huge
The Harry Potter wizards shitted themselves and wished it away. This is factual, canonical, and confirmed by the actual Pottermore website. Allegedly, this all happened before the advent of European-style plumbing in the eighteenth century, but the fact remains that in the canon of Harry Potter, the wizards can shit their pants whenever they want and it’s fine.
This is a huge win.
For years, those of us in the Free-Shitters Movement have been (pardon the pun) dumped upon by society.
“Shitting your pants in public is an unnatural behavior” they say.
“It’s disgusting and unsanitary and makes the bus smell worse than it already did” they say.
“Its actually weirder how much vigor you’re putting behind arguing with me right now” they say.
But they’re wrong. Me and the rest of the Free-Shitters have a voice now, we have a figurehead now, we have a champion now… and his name is Harry fucking Potter. Think about that. Harry Potter. The boy who lived. The Wizard King. He probably, at least once, shitted his pants and vanished the evidence. Even if he had access to “modern plumbing”, you can’t deny that he probably did it at least once. And he had the right to, and so does everybody else. That’s what Free-Shitting is about.
This is a big step up. Our last Free-Shitting champion was Joe Paterno, and it’s been tough holding on to his legacy as a Free-Shitter considering, y’know, the whole thing with him. Harry Potter, though… he can be our guy. Everybody knows and loves Harry Potter. For a long, long time, a nation of Free-Shitters have stood voiceless, with soiled jeans, and JK Rowling, with just a simple tweet and seven full-length novels, gave us one.
So, thank you, JK. You’re an honorary Free-Shitter now.
Discuss Free-Shitting with your pals at The Post Hole and The Tweet Hole