Rain Declared Bullshit


SAN DIEGO – Rain’s coming down all the time now and it sucks ass

It would be very good if it stopped raining all the stupid time and if we can’t get that then at least it would be good if the rain became normal like all the other rain instead of the inexplicably heavy and unpredictable rain that crops up here all the time out of nowhere. The frustrating thing about this rain bullshit is that there are no answers to the questions I have for it. The climate does not bend to me, the weather cares not. The rain comes, the rain goes, I end up soaked and sad.

But why does it not come with any internal logic? Why does the rain begin without warning and end with just as much? Why does the world’s water pressure seem to jump from a pleasant mist to a deluge the likes of which the world will never recover within a five second span?

It is the difference between a calm drizzling, from a showerhead the size of the sky and a cavalcade of spray nozzles set on jet aimed directly at me, and the difference is mediated within moments. Within moments, my pants go from dry to damp to enundated, my shoes go from comfortable suede to soggy cement, any piece of paper in my bag returns to the liquidy rind that birthed it.

And then… just as it came… it goes. From certain flood to nothing at all. If the end of a storm elsewhere is a decrescendo to a close, this is a violinist getting stabbed. This is ground zero, I look around surrounded by wetness, covered by water, but experiencing only memories of the deluge that had terrorized me merely seconds before.

And why, tell me, does it only seem to rain in certain points of my apartment complex’s parking lot? Why is it that I can sit on a bench and see torrents immediately in front of me but absolutely nothing merely thirty feet to the right of it? Who is controlling this? Why is it like this? How do I prepare for this? Why is it like this? Why is it like this?

Tell me why its like this at @joebush_joebush on Twitter, on the Post Hole on Facebook, and donate to the recovery fund for mild rain annoyance at Ko-Fi.

About Joe Bush

The guy behind JoeBush.net and a lot of other things
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