If I had taken the time to write out the entirety of this band and album’s name, it would have shattered the record for the longest title of any post on this humble blog. The full name of this album is “You Have No Idea What You’re Getting Yourself Into” by Does it Offend You, Yeah?. It was one of my favorite albums when I was 15, I listened to it on my Zune HD with the Zune Pass that gave me unlimited access to the Zune Library for the low, low price of 15 dollars per month (jesus christ, 15 dollars per month?). That sentence alone should show you how long ago 2010 was, but I’ll throw in that I thought Halo: Reach was disappointing and Taylor Swift’s “Fifteen” was childish. Anyway, this album came out in like 2008, or so, and I found it on Spotify last week and wanted to get back in that mindset. I’m going to go track by track with it and give each track a rating on a ten point scale.
1. Battle Royale – 6/10
I don’t know if the video I linked to was the official video or not, but I always admired whoever decided to sync this song up to an old Super Sentai clip. It goes along well. This is standard fare for the rest of the album, and one of the better instrumental tracks. I’d guess this would be something you would hear in some sort of rave in one of the smaller English cities in like 2009 or so. Listening back now, it’s very bland and they don’t go anywhere with the decent foundation they built.
I got thirty seconds into the song and decided I would never ever have a circumstance in my life where I’d want to hear “With a Heavy Heart (I Regret to Inform You)” Does it Offend You, Yeah? in it’s entirety. I just can’t do that to myself. It’s not even that bad of a song, but that’s the problem, there’s nothing to latch onto with it. It’s pure blandness. It’s like shotgunning one of those cans of water they have on airplanes, except you have to do it for three minutes straight. Even if you hate a certain artist, like, if you dislike Joanna Newsom, for example, and I know many do, you typically have something to latch onto and say “That’s what I don’t like.” (In Joanna’s case for most people, it’s the voice. I really like the voice, keep that in mind if you get the “what does Joe think about Joanna Newsom” question in JoeBush.Net Trivial Pursuit next weekend). This track doesn’t have anything close to that. This song is like Desert Bus, except presented entirely straightforward.
3. We Are Rockstars – 6/10
The hook on this is still good. I first heard this song and by chance learned about this group from TheBest404PageEver, which is another incredibly 2010 thing to say. That site was like YTMND except five years later in humor. I searched for around 20 minutes through their index to find the clip that introduced me, and found it here. The rest of the song that surrounds the hook could be much better, it suffers from the same issue that the first two tracks do. It’s very static and doesn’t really grow over time.
4. Dawn of the Dead – 9/10
I can’t fill this entire post with self-importance and snarky jokes taking down some grunge-house act from seven years ago. I’ve kind of set myself up to be ashamed of actually enjoying any song on this album, but I genuinely adore this one. It’s like a shot of clarity in this album so full of blandness up to track 4. This song’s about leaving home. The singer here accurately captures that sense of forcing oneself to actually get out despite the fear of the unknown and the fondness for what’s being left behind. The bass guitar part during the verses shines here, the steel drums in the chorus are delightful, and even the cheesy “ooh-ahh” really hits. 2010 was a bad year for me but this song manages to touch on what nostalgia is still hanging around from that time. It’s a song about growing up, and it hit me during one of the first times I noticed that I was doing it.
5. Doomed Now – 6/10
I could just copy and paste the entry for track 2 here. We’re back to painfully boring, except the sort of bridge part somewhat saves it. I can enjoy those parts.
O’Reilly Auto Parts Ad followed by Guy Struggling To Ask Girl Out Until Spotify Ad Plays – 3/10
I don’t remember this being on the album initially. Really breaks flow but I’m still in debt from fifteen dollars a month for All-Access MP3 Downloads on the Zune Marketplace so I can’t justify getting away from this
I had an idea for a scripted TV show when I was 15 that used this as the theme. I watched a lot of Mega64 back then, and this song really reminded me of “Sequence Erase”, which they used as a theme for their scripted TV show. I had a lot of original ideas back then. This song would still probably work well as a TV theme, though. It’s so forceful, like I want to drive slightly too fast while listening to it. It’s totally out of place as far as the album is concerned, but it ‘s a good dose of energy after so many plodding grungy house tracks.
7. Let’s Make Out – 1/10
I remember I liked this song at one point. My sister heard me listening to it and started laughing at me (she was like, 12 at the time, by the way). I tried to explain to her why it was a good song and then I had to stop myself because, no, the premise falls short if you think about it for more than any time at all. The idea is that he says “Let Me Go” at the same time he says “Let’s Make Out.” The 15-year old depth and complexity here is suffocating so I’m gonna throw it at you all at once:
She believed. How Can Mirrors Be Real If Our Eyes Aren’t Real? Do you wanna watch this South Park episode on my phone? That “That Boy Needs Therapy” song.
I haven’t praised the bass guitar on this album enough but it’s probably the most consistently quality part of the whole thing.
I was at a trivia contest about a month or two ago, and one of the categories for questions was just “2010”. It wasn’t until we went through that category that I remembered just how far we’ve come since that year.
It was the year I had a job for the first time. There was a winter olympics at the beginning of the year and Americans all cared about hockey for a short period of time. One of my best friends stopped talking to me. I bought a Sega Saturn, I think (that may have been 2009). I had surgery at the end of the year. My school’s basketball team fell in the second round to Northern Iowa. Haïti got destroyed by an earthquake. My dad was diagnosed with cancer.
I looked at the Wikipedia page for 2010 and I was floored to find out Toy Story 3 came out six years ago. That’s hard to believe. Train had one of the biggest hits of the year. B.O.B. was in the news for reasons related to music.
For whatever reason, this song in particular brought all that back. I don’t really care for it, but it still has some sort of effect on me personally. Even though, I know, this song doesn’t actually come from that year, it triggers very specific nostalgia.
Also, yes, this song title is probably the worst of them all on the album.
9. Weird Science – 7/10
This one’s okay as well. Back when I had this on my Zune HD, I listened to this track while riding in the car with my friend’s dad on the way back from a boy scout campout or something of the sort. This song took such a hold of me rhythmically that I physically couldn’t stop myself from moving along with it even though I was in the car with someone I only slightly knew and it would’ve been embarrassing if he had noticed what I was doing. This is probably the only song that’s ever done that to me.
10. Epic Last Song – 8/10
This song has some effect as well. Not quite as heavily as Dawn of the Dead or as vividly as the one with the dumb title, but I will safely say that I enjoy this song. It’s like Dawn of the Dead except they don’t take as many risks and it’s not as rewarding as a result. I think it’s about finality, which would make sense with the title of the song. I’d make some comment on it being an edgy wink towards the audience but in reality I don’t really care any more. After thinking the phrase “Being Bad Feels Pretty Good”, I’m immune to bad song titles any more. I wouldn’t use the word “epic” necessarily, because I don’t use that word in general, but it’s alright.
So that was the album with the long name by the band with the long name. I hope you enjoyed getting into the mindset of me at 15 and I hope you understand why I don’t like to talk about the past. The reason is because I really love to talk about the past and I get too into it every time.