Hey Guys! I just got back from my first cruise, and I can’t be happier! I had a whale of a time and I’ll never forget the lessons I learned! As always, the Joe Bush Dot Net Tip Team is here to tell you exactly how to have the best time of your life as you rock and roll through the middle of the ocean, miles away from any land if any emergencies happen.

Ask for Extra Towels

They’ll give them to you. I saw the room where they keep the towels. They have like 3000. At least. They’ll give them to you.

Get Free Food at the Dining Room

Again, all you have to do is ask, weirdly enough. They’ll just give it to you. I wanted two appetizers one night. I wanted a Caesar Salad and a second Caesar Salad, and they gave me both of them! Amazing!

Collect the Secret Tape

It’s up on top of the engine fin thing, you have to empty out the top deck pool and grind on the high wires to get up there. Once you’re up there, it’s on the one on the left side, just hit the no comply to get up there and you should get it no problem.

Go to the Buffet at 10:30 AM

This was me after eating my brunch of Fries and Nothing Else

It’s between the dregs of breakfast and the new addition of lunch. Get your cold cuts and french fries at their best – nice and fresh – and your eggs and skillet potatoes at their best – nice and old and greasy.

Get a High Score of 100,000 Points

What I always do is hit the atrium, there’s a high wire in there that you can milk a special grind on and then you can continue the combo down on the little halfpipe in there. To get a much higher score you’ll need to trash the museum.

Trash the Museum

The museum is right behind where you start out. Just turn around and ollie through the window, then grind on the wires holding that big fan up until they snap. The ball will roll off of its pedestal, deploying the netting outside of the boat. You can grind on the outside of the netting and rack up so many points.

Remember That They Have to Be Nice to You

I talked to a guy named Geoffroy about NASCAR for like, 36 minutes. I talked about Bill Elliott’s 1988 Winston Cup Championship and Bill Elliott’s Hall of Fame induction and Bill Elliott’s old Mac Tonight Car that he used to drive… Geoffroy listened the whole time. Thanks, Geoffroy.

Raise the Ferry

What you have to do here is go to the control panel next to the ferry on the bottom deck where the guy is messing with the panel, and then you wallride the tubing around the wire that leads to the panel. That will raise the ferry and will make your combos easier.

Order the Penis Drink™

Of course, the Penis Drink™. You can’t go on a cruise without getting the famous Penis Drink™

Throw Your Trash in the Ocean

What are they gonna do? They can’t get it back, and they don’t want it back – it’s trash.

Get a Sick Score of 500,000 Points

Okay, for this one, it’ll be hard if you haven’t trashed the museum and raised the ferry, as long as you have that ferry for an easy grinding path and the netting to link you from section to section, you should be alright. There’s no shortage of paths to take, but they’ll almost all inevitably end you up on the bottom deck. Don’t try to go upwards, you’ll lose momentum. Remember that you don’t need a combo of 500,00+, just one two minute run. Stay focused on that and you should be fine. Vary up your special grinds and flips. Hold special grinds for as long as you can if you can.

If you take anything from this article, please just understand that you’ll have a great time on your cruise if you go in with a positive attitude. Think happy thoughts. Think you’ll have a great time and that you’ll keep the manual meter in the middle of the bar, try to Darkslide or do the grind where Chad Muska pulls out the boombox as much as possible, and you won’t regret going out for it.