It is Martin Luther King Jr. day, and you know what that means… It means a lot of things to a lot of people, actually, a day named for a civil rights leader… and like… it’s been a long time since he did his work and we still have a long way to go… and… well… anyway, the spring semester starts tomorrow! We’ve gotta get prepped for success in the coming months! This is what I’m doing, since I have carried a decent GPA into my final semester in my very rigorous major! I think you might be able to learn something, too!
Eating the Same Food for Every Meal
Brown Rice. Pinto Beans. Seasoned Salt for Flavor. One Hostess Ding-Dong. Diet Mountain Dew Code Red.
I originally didn’t have the season salt but I just couldn’t take it, I thought I could eat for sustenance and sustenance alone, but, shit, man, that’s not easy.
Tapping each Textbook to my Forehead in total silence once per night
I like to think this absorbs the inspiration, I tap each textbook to my forehead like five or six times
Introducing myself to my professors at the beginning of each class
I walk up to every professor I have and say “My name is Joe Bush, and I want you to like me a whole lot and I’m gonna be really upset if you don’t, so please be nice to me and understand this.” They all love me.
Constantly Making Jokes
I make jokes all the fucking time at every single thing the teacher says and other people sometimes laugh and sometimes don’t. They’re all references to movies that I have seen. I had a class where the teacher would carry old antique artifacts around in a cardboard box every few days and I’d be like “What’s in the Box???” from the movie Sixth Sense.
Just constantly muttering. Everybody thinks you’ve got something smart hidden behind the mutters, regardless of if you do or not. And, believe me, I do not.
One Streak of Blood Down my Face at Least once in the First Two Weeks
It’s good to make an early impression. It doesn’t even have to be blood, just like something red going from the scalp to the cheek sets some sort of precedent that
- I bleed
- I am not afraid to show that I bleed or at least I don’t have the time to clean up the blood or that I don’t look in the mirror enough to see it
- I am apparently doing something to bleed before 9:30 in the morning
It sets the class up for a discussion, and generally gets at least one person to talk to me. Also, it gets the professor to talk to me, which kills two birds with one stone.