Time to hit the gliss! Trombone players and twentieth century Bosnian assassins all over the place can relate to these seven questions we keep getting!

1. Are your arms long enough to play that thing? Also, why did you assassinate Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria?

Man, a lot of people think they’ve got super short arms! A lot of other people also don’t consider the role that the anarchist Young Bosnia group played in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria.

2. How do you know when a note’s right and also do you know what your assassination of Franz Ferdinand did in the frame of pushing the twentieth century into the modern era?

It’s not that complicated, people! It becomes muscle memory after a while, and you’ve got pretty good guidelines for first, second, third, and fourth positions! You’ve got your ears, too! You’ve also got to think about how much would’ve changed it Princip hadn’t hit Ferdinand with a bullet from roughly one and a half meters away on the 28th of June in 1914, effectively starting the first world war.

3. How do you decide on that weird instrument or do you take some blame for the rise of Hitler in Germany in the 1930s?

Let’s be honest, the trombone just looks – and sounds – cool! You get to have fun, you use the slide, and you play some cool parts in marching band season, not unlike how Ferdinand’s death sent the Austro-Hungarian empire into bizarre tailspin, which led to the central powers’ failure in the first world war, and a destabilized and angry Germany was set in an unfortunate position to fall to fascism in the 1930s.

4. Your instrument’s the one with the slide, right? and you were acting alone, right?

Yup, that’s the one! It looks a little weird, but all trombone players know that sometimes you have to get into the weird instrument, and sometimes your anarchist conspirators in the Black Hand will fail a bombing attempt and accidentally put you in a position to accomplish your goal of assassinating Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

5. Do you like Reel Big Fish?

Not really, no

6. Do you think there’s authority to the school of thought that you happened into firing the most important shot in modern world history, also do you guys really get into the football games for free?

An accident and a lucky break aren’t necessarily two different things in the right eyes, and if one happens to get right up front with the man you’re trying to assassinate or the football team you’re cheering for without paying for tickets, then so be it.

7. Have you ever hit anyone?

Yes.