The Compendium of Joe’s Bad Opinions on Sports

Bad Opinions Week continues…

It is time for the Sports Opinions. I’ve always supported the oeuvre of Sports Opinions as a concept, because they’re relatively quantifiable but also completely quantitative in argument, so there will almost never be a correct answer to anything that anyone says about their Sports Opinions. However, I am entirely certain that mine are quite wrong.

The 2017 Gold Cup will be some weird shit

Canada

As much as I initially though this would be Canada’s tournament because they’re the only side that doesn’t have World Cup qualifying to worry about, I can see the importance of winning a Gold Cup early in the second career of Ol’ Bruce for the USA. Still, I can’t see Mexico or Costa Rica or Honduras even finding this tournament very important, and Canada really needs something to go right what with Cyle Larin’s whole thing, so I wouldn’t be that surprised if they could feasibly pull the same thing they did in 2000 again. This situation isn’t that much different from 2000, either, though Colombia isn’t there this year. Pair that with this next point, and they’re guaranteed to either win the whole thing or lose in the first knockout game. I still predict an American victory, but I won’t be surprised if the team with the leaf gets it done.

Alphonso Davies can be as good as Jordan Morris

This is wrong, very wrong, but, again, watch out for him. He scored twice in their first game. I almost wrote Christian Pulisic in the spot of J-Mo, but I reconsidered, because that’s ridiculous. But watch out for him.

The Royals will finish above .500

This is based off of nothing, as I have watched about a game and a half total all year. But I believe. You Gotta Love These Guys.

Sporting Kansas City will finish third in the West

yIni5aW - Imgur

I needed this as a GIF because it is so far my favorite moment of the MLS season

Behind Portland and Dallas, probably, ahead of Seattle, Salt Lake, and Houston. They will host Houston in the knockout round, which should probably go just fine with certainly no problems at all. This prediction is based in many points. First of all, if Ike Opara stays healthy and Tim Melia remains as good as he’s been, Sporting will have the best defense in MLS this year. Gerso has been so helpful for Dom Dwyer, he’s been as good of a forward for SKC this year as Dom has, and he’s a significant improvement over Connor Hallisey, though that doesn’t seem to be that difficult of a hill to jump.

Sporting has more depth at forward than they have since 2011, they don’t really have a weak link in the midfield, and the defense is far better than anyone else’s right now. There is no real reason why Sporting Kansas City, with this group of players, with this sheer amount of talent, shouldn’t win the Cup this year. For whatever reason, Sporting has tended to slump for about a month in every season since 2013, and I’m guessing that this will happen this year as well.

FC Dallas will not win the MLS Cup

They’re cursed, no other reason. I really don’t have another reason. It’s just Dallas’ thing at this point is winning and then losing.

At this point, I have barred nearly a fifth of the western conference from having a chance at winning the cup. Why not continue? I will also say that Houston and Los Angeles will not win the cup, because I don’t think they have the longevity to win in the playoffs, though Houston’s turnaround has been impeccable. Seattle and Portland both won one too recently, Minnesota and Colorado have a problem in that they’re not very good, and Salt Lake is a team that I have not watched at all for the entire season. Ultimately, the western conference’s chances this year will come down to Chris Wondolowski or the Vancouver Whitecaps, if I am to be believed.

Cincinnati deserves a spot in MLS

Hell is Real

After LAFC and The Theoretical Miami MLS Franchise, the next MLS expansion sites should be Cincinnati, Sacramento, San Diego, and Tampa Bay

Though, now, I can see some value in a promotion-relegation system. At least after FCC and Miami FC’s runs in the Open Cup, I’m more open-minded to the idea. My ideal system is this:

MLS stays division one with around 24 teams, potentially fewer

A new division two, a merger between NASL and USL called “USL”, should take the division two spot. Top two teams would be promoted, bottom two from MLS would be relegated. The bottom two in USL would be relegated as well

The third division can be split into two places between USL Division 3 and the Canadian Premier League, potentially. The CPL really throws a wrench into this because it completely makes sense to have for Canadian soccer, but also would likely get eaten up in a competition with a much stronger lower division in American soccer.

I used to really be against promotion and relegation in American/Canadian soccer, but I can see the point better now that so many USL and NASL teams have shaken things up in this year’s US Open Cup. I don’t think it’s ridiculous to have smaller-market teams like Charleston and Louisville in the top division if they earn their way there.

 

I Am Going to Watch the X Games this year, maybe

I haven’t watched the X Games in… like… five years, I think. It used to be my favorite event of the summer, but it has been replaced with sitting outside and enjoying a nice can of Rolling Rock or sitting in the dark playing Wario Land II or something. The last of the X Olympiads that I watched in any sort of capacity was in 2011, when this happened:

That was cool. Anyway, I ended up straying away from the games in around 2012 when I was working out at camp, then missed every event, and then felt nothing, and then continued to feel nothing as they tried to diversify, and they moved on from my man Sal Masekela and that made me feel sad. Cut to 2017 when the games are at the Minnesota Vikings’ new stadium after spending like eleven years in Los Angeles, then I think two or three in Texas.

I’m more aware now of how incredibly corporate the X Games are, I suppose, which can be seen from just looking at the event list on the first day:

Screen Shot 2017-07-10 at 12.29.33 AM.png

We have gone fully sponsored. Also, Aesop Rock will be there, and I am no longer cool enough to tell if that’s a good or a bad thing. You’ll also see events sponsored by America’s Navy, and “The Real Cost”, which is an FDA-run anti-smoking ad campaign. If we’re keeping score, the big Extreme Sports competition this year is sponsored by Wal-Mart underwear, the motorcycle your dad used to drive, the military, and Not Smoking Cigarettes.

All of this was also there when I was watching as well, but I’m more aware of it now. Also, now I am aware of how funny it is to see Navy advertising on a sport that in some cities is a crime, and also how funny it would be for an up and coming teenage skateboarder to wave off the offer of a cigarette because he saw Sandro Dias do a sick 720 on a ramp that had a decal saying not to.

ROE0Nr0 - Imgur

Please enjoy this clip from the first X Games, where the skateboard street gold medal winner wore a polo shirt, khaki shorts, and tall tube socks.

But I am going to watch the games this year if I can (and I can’t, I only have the first ESPN on my cable package so I can’t get the more extreme-oriented programming), and I’ll try to keep an open mind while watching them. Vert skating has a solid crop of fresh skaters coming up now, and the skate park competition is entertaining every year, and, hey, maybe the intense competition within the Fruit of the Loom BMX Dirt Final and The Real Cost Moto X Quarterpipe High Air Final will outweigh the cynical leftist part of my brain. I’ll have to watch to find out.


I have examined parts of myself that I do not normally examine. Tomorrow, it is time to examine the topic that I used to try to examine: The Video Games.

 

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About Joe Bush

The guy behind JoeBush.net and a lot of other things
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