The Compendium of Joe’s Bad Opinions on Film

NOTE: Film, in this case, can mean anything that was ever put on a video camera. This can mean anything from the biggest budget Hollywood blockbuster to the Youtube video filmed on a cell phone camera of the guy imitating sound effects from Oblivion. This is a cop-out, as I don’t have that many opinions on movies, or television, or whatever we call the stuff under television, but I feel like I can piece all of them together and make something out of it. Not something good, per se, but something, nonetheless.

The Simpsons Season 9 is Still Very Good

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This is my copy of the DVDs, which I did buy myself

I know there’s a general rule surrounding The Simpsons that the viewer should really stop watching the series after a certain point. It’s one of the only shows with a rule like that, where you’re only supposed to enjoy a certain amount of it and then accept that the rest of it just isn’t good at all. I have generally followed this rule, partially out of listening to other people who told me to do this, and partially because my dad’s DVDs, which I have effectively burgled from him over the course of like five years and he hasn’t said anything yet so I’m not sure if he ever noticed, stopped at the seventh season or so.

The general line of where to stop watching The Simpsons moves between people. I’ve heard people say to stop watching as early as around season six or seven, and I’ve heard as late as season eleven or so. The line that I’ve seen drawn with the most frequency is in season nine, generally right at the second episode of the season, The Principal and the Pauper, which I will accept is a ridiculous episode that the show could do without. Due to this, what I have come to find as the general consensus is that season eight is the last good season.

I disagree with this. Season nine is very good, and I think it works well coming after the truly ridiculous, but still excellent, season eight. Of my ten favorite episodes, two of them come from season nine.

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These are loosely ranked in the way that I wrote them as I thought of them first

There are too many good episodes in this season to completely write it off as the first one that viewers should skip. This season got back into reality where so much of season eight was so over-the-top. Sure, there are some fairly bad episodes, and one undeniably dumb episode. But, shit, man, this season gave us the Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Chocobot Hour, and at least should be praised for that!

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“Put down those entertaining Mattel Products!”

Bram Stoker’s Dracula is an Interesting Movie to Watch

My enjoyment of this movie from 1992 is more complex than I think any other is. Gary Oldman is good, Keanu is fun in a way that Keanu always was, and Winona Ryder is… well, under-utilized. It’s not a great movie, by any means. But I will always watch it in October. I’m not a huge horror movie fan, but I love me some good artistic cinematography, and this film is valuable almost exclusively in its artistic cinematography.

There are so many excellent physical effects in this movie, I don’t think there’s anything computer generated or edited in really, and watching that now makes it fascinating in a way that many of its contemporaries aren’t. It visually doesn’t have anything to date it to 1992, which dates the film in a completely different way. It’s just interesting to watch, and every scene has something impressive and aesthetically pleasing going on. The film has some value in that sense where other comparable big-budget movies of that year (Sister Act, Basic Instinct, The Bodyguard) really aren’t worth going back to in the same sense.

I will say that Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein from two years later is probably a better movie, as well. I don’t know if that’s controversial or a bad opinion or not, because I’ve never spoken to anybody about that movie.

“Not Today Motherfucker” is the best YouTube video

 

The best things about this video are these:

  1. The video is ten seconds long and has a title card
  2. The title card takes up nearly half of the video
  3. The guy shoots a UFO with a handgun
  4. The title of the video and the entire dialogue of the video are the same
  5. The video description provides both limited backstory and a plot synopsis that could have been easily gleamed through watching the video
  6. The fistpump at the end
  7. The fact that the one bullet causes the UFO to explode twice
  8. The unnamed hero of this video is ostensibly in danger but never backs down to the threat posed by the UFO trying to kill him, showing no fear and defeating what might seem like an impossible villain with the force of sheer bravado and one bullet from a handgun

I realize now that this is not a bad opinion of mine, this is actually the completely correct opinion of mine, potentially the best opinion of mine, and if I am ever to write a sequel my YouTube video deliberation from May of 2016 (and look out for it on, like, August twelfth of 2017 or so), this video will make an appearance. YouTube was barely a year old when this video was uploaded, and it only really went downhill from there.

Something Completely Different is the Best Monty Python Film

This has heavy personal bias because of my dumb sketch comedy obsession, it’s one of the better sketch movies (and I mean a movie composed entirely of sketches, not like Wayne’s World or Run Ronnie Run or Goodburger where it’s one sketch stretched out into a film). There are some classic Monty Python’s Flying Circus sketches, and this film contains all of them without the hours of incredibly mediocre sketches that defined the rest of the show.

Granted, I have not seen The Meaning of Life in a while, so perhaps I should hold off judgement. I can’t really make an argument against any of the other Python movies, but Something Completely Different is my personal pick for being the best one.

The two Bill and Ted movies were better than Back to the Future

God, I don’t even have an argument for this horrible opinion that I do undeniably hold. I’ve seen the first Back to the Future twice and have no desire to see the second or third. It’s alright, it’s very endearing and the story’s fun, I can see why people like it, I actually think I’m in the wrong about this, but there’s just nothing interesting to Back to the Future for me.

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This is also the second appearance of Keanu Reeves in this post, I guess

Both of the Bill and Ted movies are dumb as hell and that’s probably why I like them, because I am dumb as hell. I will accept that.


Tomorrow, I will take on every other topic that I could not fit into the first four days, and I will be wrong about every part of it. Life is a very generalized topic and I’m prepared to write like 40,000 words on pizza toppings and paper money and whether or not Scotland should vote for independence or something like that.

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About Joe Bush

The guy behind JoeBush.net and a lot of other things
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