This year, the JoeBush.Net Creams Bowl adds new tradition to an already well-established college football bowl season.
The media has tried to stifle the rise of the bowl game I’ve built with my own hands, but I will not stand for it. I have created this from the ground up, found the place, found the teams, found the distributors, and I sponsored it myself. The JoeBush.net Creams Bowl is going to happen regardless of whether or not ESPN, or Fox Sports 1, or “The NCAA” wants it to happen. If I have to deliver the preview to you as well, I’ll deliver the preview to you as well.
So, What is the JoeBush.net Creams Bowl?
If there are two things that the JoeBush.net Creams Bowl are, they are:
- Going to Happen
This is a bowl game – a real, honest to god football game between two teams – that will happen during Capital One bowl season. Football will be played. There will be a 100 yard gridiron, and the two teams will wear uniforms, and they will play in an honest to god game of football. One team will win, the other will lose. It is a real, honest game of football and I am not using this a as front to launder my money, despite what the sports news media or the “Federal Bureau of Investigation” may tell you.
This game will both be played, and will be very good, also.
So, Who’s Playing?
We have acquired two of the best football teams in the United States:
First, the East Carolina University Pirates, who are 3-9 out of Conference USA they boast wins over the University of North Carolina, Old Dominion, Connecticut, and a potential matchup with Virginia Tech was cancelled due to weather but we’ll go ahead and assume that would’ve been a big win for the Purple Pirates of ol’ ECU
Second, we have “Lenny’s Boys” from ACE Hardware in Sandy, Utah. “Lenny’s Boys” are coming off of an undefeated season in the surprisingly robust “Salt Lake UnderGround Football Alliance of Timber, Hardware, and Electronics Retailers” (SLUGFATHER for short) and will hopefully present a good showing against the pirates. They’re hungry to prove themselves against a team that is not made up entirely out of the staff of a Park City Best Buy.
Where and When, and How do I Watch?
11:30 PM. Weekday. Dick’s Sporting Goods Park. Commerce City, Colorado. I’ll give you the official date via dead-drop later, just remember to check the napkins dispenser at the Jersey Mike’s Subs in North Lawrence at the normal time each weekday and you’ll find that answer.
To Kyle, with whom I made an agreement to open the gates of the park at the agreed-upon time and hour: This is for both your ass and mine. If you don’t deliver, please understand that it’s not just me who’s screwed. It’s you too. It’s you too, Kyle. Understand what must be done to make the JoeBush.Net Creams Bowl go on and understand the stakes if you mess this up. To this point, I’ve held up my end of the bargain – and, frankly, I’ve had the more difficult task – and all you have to do is unlock a couple of gates and turn on a couple of lights.
This game will be broadcast both on my official Twitch.TV channel and via shortwave radio on the official JoeBush.net Creepy Numbers station, which currently is playing “Bugs” by Pearl Jam on loop intercut with a german man reading the jersey numbers of the 1996 Denver Nuggets in random order, but will feature commentary by me as well as Mike Tirico. Please do not inquire about how I got Mike Tirico.
Why Call it “The Creams Bowl”?
Let’s just say that I got myself into a situation between the very powerful Jergens and Cetaphil families that run the skincare game and naming it “The Creams Bowl” is my own little way of letting them both know that I am working very hard, I have not forgotten what I owe them, and that I am very gracious for the patience they’ve shown me thus far.
I look forward to seeing you all out there cheering on your team of choice provided you were allowed to choose a team. If you were not allowed to choose a team then please understand that it is imperative that you support that team with what can at least be interpreted as a full heart.