Another major movie release, another film about a ‘disaffected’ man taking revenge. I’ve got other shit to do.
The Joker, a creepy clown who kills people, is one of modern fiction’s most popular and important characters. He seems to get at the heart of American societal isolation and fear by the way that he’s a clown that kills people. Most clowns actually spend their time telling jokes and making ballon animals, et cetera, but this guy (the Joker)’s big shit is killing people, which is atypical for the normal clown.
Joker, the origin story of the creepy clown who kills people, released this weekend to huge box office success and huge societal appeal, as well as controversy. The Joker’s main plot (where he kills some people despite being a clown, normally associated with merriment) has raised some eyebrows around the general moviegoing twitter and blogospheres. The identification that some people in the “Incel”, “MGTOW”, and “Creepy Clown Dressup” movements find in the Joker has been the talk of the media cycle, with some (me) deeming it the “Creepy Clown Movie for the Incel Generation”
And while some of you might flock to the cinemas to watch the Joker tell some jokes and fuck up some superheroes or whatever, I’m gonna be sitting it out. I’ve got more important shit to do. You can enjoy the clown that goes “TFW no GF” as he reloads a shotgun or something, that’s fine. You can perpetrate the culture of movies about scary clowns who kill people, but I’m gonna be on my grind. That’s right, I’ve found the ultimate scheme, and it’s gonna take a lot of time for me to do it, so much time that I won’t have any time to see the clown movie or any movie for that matter:
So, I live only about two hours from Los Angeles. Right now, all of Los Angeles’ sports teams are good, like, really good, except for the Angels of course, and with it being October, things are really gonna heat up with regards to people attending sporting events in Los Angeles. That’s a lot of teams. Zlatan and the Galaxy, Vela and LAFC in the MLS playoffs, then there’s the Dodgers who are looking like a World Series contender, UCLA and USC football, both of whom I assume are doing just dandy this season, plus the Rams and Chargers, both coming off 10+ win seasons, then the Clippers and Lakers both making noise with their superstar signings, as well as the Anaheim Ducks who will be playing professional hockey in the city of Anaheim, I think. That’s a lot of sports! And a lot of fans…. a lot of fans in the parking lot, tailgating, getting ready, getting pumped to watch some sports.
And what do sports fans want the most when they’re tailgating? That’s right. A nice pipin’ hot cheeseburger from McDonalds.
Now, doing the math out in my head, I basically have three expenses. For one, there’s the cheeseburgers. This is the obvious overhead I’ll need to make up. I figure I can sell at least two hundred burgers per day, which means I’ll have to drop two-hundred dollars at a Carson McDonalds at the beginning of the day on the two-hundred burgers. So that’s two hundred. There’s also the gasoline price, which is very high in Southern California, so that’s probably like sixty dollars every two days. Third, I’ll need to drop thirty dollars plus shipping on a cooler/backpack thing from Amazon to keep the burgs nice and warm.
So the overhead’s pretty high, base pricing of thirty dollars plus shipping, then there’s also the two hundred thirty or so per day for burgs and gas. However, the economics work out in my favor if I do the math like this:
- I am a vegetarian, so I won’t be “getting high off my own supply”
- I will be hopping fences and sneaking through gates to get into the games so tickets/parking passes won’t be a problem
- Any uneaten burgs I will return to McDonalds for a full refund as I will hold on to the receipt
- I will be selling the burgs at five dollars per burg. That’s four dollars of profit per burger.
And two hundred burgers at five dollars per?? That’s right. That’s one-thousand big ones. Add the amount of gas and the money for the burgers plus the thirty dollars plus shipping for the cooler and we’re looking at a profit of…
$1,266 PER DAY BABY! That’s Bezos money baby! That’s a six-figure income, baby! And that’s all off the Burger Racket. The Burger Racket is an idea that belongs only to Joe Bush and thus will only be legally allowed to get Joe Bush very rich.
So, enjoy your clown movie, fuckers, I’m gonna be sittin’ pretty on my retirement fund right out of the pocket of another clown – Ronald Freakin’ McDonald.
Joe’s gonna be hot shit very soon with the burger racket profits, but before he’s a big money $traight ca$h roller, you can check his other words out on Twitter, Facebook, and give him three dollars at Ko-Fi.