Sporting Kansas City Inks Exclusive TV Broadcast Deal With ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss


After a series of poor television deals, the dam has burst. Sporting KC has decided to cut out the middleman and sign an exclusive deal with the Eastern European site everybody sought out to watch their games anyway

Their names echo like a forgotten lover’s voice on the wind:

Time Warner Metro Sports… THECOOLTV… 38 The Spot…

Sporting KC fans have spent years in pursuit of the holy grail of a television channel that accomplished the herculean task of showing their team’s games on television. With the grasp of a monkey’s paw in 2017, the team signed what seemed like its most lucrative media deal ever with Fox Sports Kansas City. This seemed like the answer to Sporting fans’ woes – Here was the regional sports network carried in every cable package! They proudly showed Royals games for years with nary a problem (save for the time Rex Hudler thought the moon was a planet)! It was the home of the Best Damn Sports Show Period, for god’s sakes! Consistent, high quality, high-definition broadcasts of Sporting KC matches was all we asked for, and seemingly we got it with this deal.

But yet… nay. In 2019, Fox Sports made a decision that rocked the sports world by actively trying to be available on fewer and fewer cable and streaming packages. It was a move that few of us understood, but we now all suffer through: A television channel that does not want to appear on television. It seems counter-intuitive, but here we are. In response, Sporting Kansas City has elected to cut out the middle man and signed an exclusive streaming deal with popular Estonian sports stream aggregator Launched in 2019 after Reddit cracked down on the popular “Soccer Streams” forum, ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss is an up-and-coming player in the digital streaming realm. Run out of a server farm in the basement of 17 year-old high school student Feliks Paasuke, ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss has been a long-term refuge for soccer fans looking for a consistent place to watch their favorite clubs.  

“It was just easier to get viewers this way than with Bally Sports” said club representative Dynamo the Dragon, the only employee willing to answer my e-mails. “People were going there anyway, so we figured we may as well just ink the contract now.” 

ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss beat out other streaming-site contenders GrampySportsStreamz, BackRowSportss, FreeUFCFightStreamsOFFICIAL, and for the rights. ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss will offer Sporting KC fans the chance to watch matches via their phone, tablet, and computer. To pre-empt the potential claims that watching on this site caused the aforementioned phones, tablets, and computers to become infected with malware, Sporting KC will, for a limited time, be bundling a copy of Norton Antivirus with each new Hoops 3.0 Jersey sold. 

“We are excited to work with the advertisers on ItzReddditttSoccerStreamss as well,” continued Mr. The Dragon, “the chance to introduce Sporting fans to the joys of Natural Male Enhancement pills, Free PlayStation 2s if you shoot enough ducks in the ad, and Bonzi Buddy, as well as unlocking the location of so many Hot and Horny Singles in the Kansas City Area waiting for them is a great opportunity.” 

Sporting KC’s 2020 season kicks off Saturday, April 17th against the New York Red Bulls, just in time for fans to figure out how to use a VPN, and fans can enter offer code ALECKOHANDBALL2004 at checkout to get a 40% off a 3-year subscription to ExpressVPN through the club as well. 

This whole thing was parody, satire, and funny jokes Mr Heinemann please don’t sue me

About Joe Bush

The guy behind and a lot of other things
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