Midfielder DaMarcus Beasley feasibly would’ve been the first American to play in five World Cups with an appearance on the USMNT’s squad at Russia 2018. However, an unforeseen set of circumstances led to the American squad “Not Making the Tournament,” and DaMarcus has simply played a full MLS schedule in the summer in Houston as a 36 year old man, which is also incredibly impressive and I don’t know what he does to be able to do that.

DaMarcus is one of America’s best, and on this day of our independence from a tyrannical monarchy who immediately went and fixed many of its problems in a way that our atrophied ancient governmental system never will, it’s our duty here at Joe Bush dot Net to celebrate America’s best, which is why I’ve chosen to highlight the time that DaMarcus Beasley Peed on the Pitch at the World Cup. Continue reading →

Damn… I guess it’s just like this, huh. Like… this is just it, I guess. Shit’s just like this.

Like this… Like, it’s just this way. Shit just is this way, I guess. What the hell is going on? Like how is things this way? Why are the things like this? What did we do to have shit be like this?

This, I guess, is how I’ve been reacting to how it feels

And what made shit to be like this? Who said shit had to be like this, or that it got to be like this, or who made it be like this in the first place? Where’d this start, when did shit begin to be like this? What kicked it off? What started the shit rolling its way from wherever it was a while ago to where it is now? What the hell? What the shit? What made it this way?

And how do we get it to not be this way? I don’t even necessarily mean to make it back to the way it was, but honestly I’d rather see it be a different way than the way it is now perhaps in a completely new way, as long as it’s not, y’know, this way, that’s how shit needs to be, or at least this, right now, is how shit needs not to be.

Do you see this? Like this shit? I mean all of this shit? Yeah, it’s just… it’s just this way right now. Shit’s just like this. Shit just be this way. And it’s just how it is.

Damn… I mean…

It’s just like this. This is just how it is.

I guess

What is wine?

Most people don’t know. I certainly didn’t. But four months ago, I was just a dipshit 22-year old kid, right out of college, who used connections to get a job at a wine store. Now, four months later, I’m a dipshit 23-year old man who knows everything possible to know about wine. I’m what you might call a “wine store employee”

I have only so much knowledge I can give away for free on this blogsite and in this post. When the eventual book, “Joe Bush’s Guide to Wine 2026” is released, I assume I will have finally opened up a store on the site and updated the site’s layout for the first time since 2016.

But for you reading this site before the inevitable book, here’s a JPEG of a glass of wine followed by a question followed by a lot of prose.

This was the JPEG previously mentioned

So, what is wine?

Continue reading →

This has been a banner year for Joe Bush Attending National League Baseball Games. Check out these stats:

You can’t argue with that. My National League games seen productivity is up 200%

Back in April, I became a Padres fan. All it took was one game and the fact that I’m relocating there in a few months. Therefore, the Arizona Diamondbacks, a division rival in a nearby city, and the very team that…

four minutes of Wikipedia research later

KNOCKED MY PADRES OUT OF THE 2007 NATIONAL LEAGUE WEST RACE HOW DARE THEY

…they’ve got an uphill battle to winning my elusive fandom. But there’s some stuff they did to get my fandom.

It’s entirely obvious that this stadium was constructed in 1998

Continue reading →

The NBA Offseason is my favorite professional offseason, I think. Most sports have a relatively long down period between a final game and any relevant off-season front office movement. The NFL Draft happens two months after the Super Bowl, Major League Baseball’s draft happens in the middle of the season for some reason. The NBA Draft happens like next week, and the free agent signing period happens not ten days after that. The NBA matches the quick movement into the meaty part of the offseason with a fanbase whose time-killing discussions are relatively enjoyable, too.

Obviously there’s no shortage of asinine arguing about whether one would pick Michael Jordan over LeBron James over Kobe Bryant over Kiki Vandweghe or whoever, much like how there’s going to be a Brady/Manning debate until we die. This is why it also helps to be a fan of a sport like baseball where every great player also used some sort of drug – amphetamine, cocaine, steroids, whatever deer antler thing Mark McGwire used – so the argument gets convoluted before it can even begin. However, NBA fans find a way to make discussion enjoyable in a thoughtful sense, like just last week it was asked if a team would have a better defensive threat out of Andre Roberson or Isaiah Thomas with a gun.

Anyway, this is my humble attempt to add my own wrinkle to the debate over which team LeBron James should choose to play for next season. The Rockets, Celtics, and Lakers will make their cases and have had their cases made for them. It is my job to find the funniest possible option.

Option 1: LeBron rejoins the Cavaliers but in some sort of joint administrator/player role

Continue reading →

I bought this game because it cost my only two dollars, and while it’s been slightly less than… like… enjoyable, I’ve been fascinated by it. NO THING is crushingly difficult. It took me a while to pass the first level, and the second level’s proven unpassable for days. Maybe one day I’ll get hot, and I’ll make it all the way through, but in the meantime, I’m stuck on the second level. The mechanical part of the game is hardly complex – turn left at the proper time, turn right at the proper time, and follow the road until you reach the end. This is hardly more complex than games as archaic as Night Driver, and the punishing difficulty should have driven me away from it after my second hour trying to complete the second level. Continue reading →

THE BASKET, J.R.

The whole point of the basketball game is to

PUT THE BALL INTO THE BASKET

Continue reading →

Did you sail across the sun?

Did you make it to the milky way to see the lights all faded?

And heaven is overrated? Continue reading →

Folks, it’s the joke of the day, everywhere is updating their privacy policy and they’re required to tell you via email. Who’s to blame for this minor annoyance?

That’s right.

It’s the EU. The dang Union. They’ve screwed us again – once with the Euro, once with the FIBA Trapezoidal Free Throw Lane, and now with these damn emails that eBay keeps sending me. And this time it’s not because the VHS of The World is Not Enough I sent to Sephiroth98 in North Carolina was haunted.

As a retort against our Belgian (de facto) leaders, I would like to stare firmly at their little “General Data Protection Regulation,” and shove it directly up my own ass.

Continue reading →

It’s been nearly a decade since we last departed Scranton, but the fan theories still persist! Undoubtedly you’ve heard of some of my favorites – Toby Flenderson is the Scranton strangler, Michael Scott is actually smart, Kevin laundered all of Dunder Mifflin’s money, they make you think about the show we watched for years! But what about those that don’t make you think at all? What about those fan theories that were so completely obvious and in many cases completely directly stated in the script of the show?

ERIN HANNON, NOT AS HOPELESS AS SHE SEEMED? Erin and several of the office men had sexual relationships

Continue reading →