Kansas football is in a bit of a pickle! They haven’t won more than five games in a season in a decade! That’s prompted people to jump ship in droves, and the drop from $9.5 Million in ticket sales in 2009 to a measly $3.4 Million in ticket sales is not insignificant. That’s a problem, you say, but nothing that a little helping of “winning football games” could get back on track. But unfortunately, I checked and that doesn’t seem to be in the cards. A six million dollar per year hit’s just a drop in the bucket for a big ol’ institution like ours! KU can earn that back in no time flat! There’s not much to worry… about… hold on, I’m getting some more news…

What’s this? KU also asked for…

$300 Million in Private Donations for Stadium Renovations?

Uh Oh!

KU’s got some ‘splainin to do! Or, at the very least, they’ve got some money to get back! That 300 million mark seems a little difficult to hit right off the bat, and they’ve deployed the valor theft bomb already by putting a major donor’s name on the stadium that’s supposed to be a World War I memorial. That might be a little more than we here at the site can chew off. Let’s start by paring down that $6.09 million. Here are a few ways we’ve come up with to get back to the comfortable standard set nearly a decade ago.

Just, Like, the Biggest Bake Sale

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He-he-here we go!

the kong is back folks and he’s ready for trouble and adventure.

The Kong Hungers…

The Kong gets Huge Banana in the Banana Pile Zone under the ground. Continue reading →

Okay so leading up to today, I hadn’t seen more than I think like five of the Marvel cinematic universe movies. Off the top of my head, I think it’s only been Iron Man 2, Iron Man, the first forty minutes of Iron Man 3 with Serbian subtitles because my boss from my old camp job obtained a copy of the movie for a staff night in during the summer the movie came out but the audio and video became desynced after a while to the point of unrecognizability and I left and went to bed, Guardians of the Galaxy 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy. I’ve also seen Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, Spider-Man 2, and HULK, but I don’t think those play in the whole current canon thing. Also I finally watched Being John Malkovich a few weeks ago and it’s interesting but I don’t care for that main character fellow. Also the local movie theatre kicked me out because I brought a Tall Boy of Bud Ice and two Big Macs into the theatre during Draft Day.

That all being given, here’s my review of Avengers: Infinity War‘s page on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

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Hey. HEY.

HEY!

The team name should be Chieves. Gramatically, y’know. Like, most of the other words that end in -ief (thief, grief, relief), when they’re made plural, they become -ieves. At least, the only one that’s a person (thief) becomes that way (thieves). Ergo, it should be Chieves.

It should be Chieves. Just, grammatically, it makes sense, right? Continue reading →

Man, this is the longest time I’ve had to digest a game I watched before offering my opinion on said game. But, regardless, on April 15th, 2018, for the first time in my life, I watched a regular season Major League Baseball game in a stadium that wasn’t Kauffman Stadium.

I put far too much gravitas on that last sentence there. This was just a baseball game in another park, and it’s not like I’m so tied to Kauffman Stadium that sitting down in another stadium is like cheating on a loved one or anything. This was mostly based on a touristic ideal of what would be cool to do on a Sunday in San Diego, California, and boy was I right, because it was cool to see a Padres game on a Sunday in San Diego, California.

PETCO PARK IS NEAT

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That means only one thing…BRING IT IN, GUYS!!!

*every character from every game, comic, cartoon, TV show, movie, and book reality come in with everything for a HUGE party*

This is a grainy photograph of the party, which only looks like a 1999 Dreamcast ad out of coincidence

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This series must be prefaced with the two simplest facts I’ve ever stated:

1. A few weeks ago, Mark Zuckerberg testified in front of congress, and he sat upon a chair with an extra cushion to make him appear taller. As a man of relatively average height, I don’t understand his pain, but I’ve got my host of aesthetic flaws (acne, bad hair) and I hope that this was his decision out of genuine insecurity and not something done for him to appear taller out of a desire for better optics on Facebook’s behalf. Mark Zuckerberg is 5’7″ tall
2.  NBA 2K16, which I bought two years ago, has a delightfully earnest but relatively sloppy story mode written and directed by Spike Lee.

The guy from the CapitalOne ads in front of people in mocap body suits

I like a lot about this mode, and we couldn’t have the excellent similar story modes that came in later Madden and FIFA games (I know this from hearsay, I haven’t played them) were it not for the sloppy steps taken in NBA 2K16.

Anyway, this all prompted the question: What if Mark Zuckerberg pursued a different career? Continue reading →

Look, y’all. I get it. The FBI raided the office and home of President Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, on Monday. It might implicate him in a corruption controversy and would cause a genuine shake-up at the top of the United States government if we lived in some sort of fantasy land where the rich and powerful ever had to be held accountable for the awful things they all did to get rich and powerful. Unfortunately, we live where we do, and that’s just how it is, and thirty years from now nobody’s going to read about the Dude Who’s Office Got Searched to No End. Michael Cohen is very rich, and any of the things that the FBI took from him can be replaced, probably.

Sorry if I sound dejected. It’s just, y’know, you all spent all this time thinking and reading about this chucklehead whose office and home were raided by the FBI and I haven’t seen a single damn article about how my office and home were also raided by the FBI yesterday. It’s fine, though. Read about the rich lawyer who probably had, like, a laptop – a completely replaceable laptop – taken because of a role in what may genuinely be a case adjacent to treason, and keep ignoring Sweet Little Me, who had all his irreplaceable things taken by the FBI for some reason I don’t even understand.

And, look, just because I don’t understand most things, it doesn’t make the fact that I don’t understand this specific thing any less important.

Here is the list of the things they took, and their reasoning for taking them, followed by my commentary regarding whether or not i think they’re justified in that reasoning, in the traditional sense of the Joe Bush dot Net Classic Article:

My cup of pens and pencils

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