Joe Bush dot Net

5. The Anthropomorphic Personification of Big Ben

It’s a big ol’ clock with arms and legs, and boy is it mad at me. It tried to get me, it tried to take me out with its physical strength and brick exterior, but I’m better than that. I ran away and cowered in Westminster Abbey, which I assume is its friend, because it wouldn’t swing at the Abbey, and let it cool down before sneaking out. I have no desire to fight Big Ben, but it is relatively easy to evade because of its personal code against harming others of building-kind.

4. Duchess Bear

This one’s a wily one. If King Bear was lawful evil and Queen Bear was neutral evil, then Duchess Bear is absolutely chaotic neutral. I met her in the dining room of a Wimpy’s (these bear-types love to attack me at fast food restaurants, but I love fast food too much to accept that they’re gonna attack me) She wouldn’t even swing at me, she just sort of growled for several minutes and kept slapping the trays of food out of other customers’ hands. I managed to calm her down by pretending to “hop out to the loo” and then I climbed out of a window in the back of the restaurant. She saw me. She didn’t chase me.

Duchess Bear wears Three Crowns, because I cannot think of new jokes for the life of me

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Friends, Gamers, Countrymen… We are like two weeks away from Electronic Entertainment Expo 2017. It starts in Los Angeles on the thirteenth of June, and will then proceed to end, still in Los Angeles, on the fifteenth. During these three days, hundreds, maybe thousands of games, I think, will be introduced to the public via flashy stageshows. People will scream in joy. I will likely scream in joy, or, at least, I would, were I there. (I will not be there because my manager, Darvinham, at Culver’s, will not let me off my shift because I’m the only one who knows how to get a proper consistency on the Chocolate Chip Concretes).

I don’t ‘work’ in the games industry. I work at a midwestern-based chain diner and frozen-custard purveyor. I don’t ‘write’ about games very often, but I do know what I’d like to play. I’ve played hours upon hours of video games just about every day of my life since I first got my hands on my first video game, NARC for the NES, in the summer of 1999.

I know not only what I want. And I know the games press well enough (I still read at least one back issue of Nintendo Power per day, which is how I keep my mind sharp). Most other sites you’ll visit will theoretically preview sequel after sequel in these lists. I will not. That is not exactly the Joe Bush Dot Net Promise, but it is similar to what could be a Joe Bush Dot Net promise.

All of these are original, new intellectual properties that I hope are created in this coming E3. These are my Top Five Games that I Hope Get Announced at E3 2017.

5. A Game Where You’re Like a Skateboarder But You Have an Axe

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Joe,

I wish I could remember what I was feeling this time four years ago, in May of 2013, when I was nervous and shaky about college, unknowing of what would become and unaware of what was to be. I know you’re confused, and you don’t know where you’re going, and you’re worried about your ability to even complete your first year.

But I just walked down the hill. I just put on a cap and gown and went through commencement. I have a degree.

And I’m not even done. I still have more to work on. And I’m still looking forward to working on it. School is a challenge, but it’s the best challenge of my life so far.

The coming for years will be a challenge unlike any other. I know you suspect this. But you’ll come to find out that the things you fear that you’ll struggle with – making friends, finding time to do work – they’ll come to you. You’ll be fine, you’ll develop a respectable work ethic and you’ll meet people who will change your life. You’ll develop an ability to trust others and trust yourself at the same time. You’ll have a lot to give – your time, your mind, your opinions, your voice – to others, and you’ll find out how valuable that is.

Everything that you fear about the next four years and everything you hope for in the next four years will come true, and so much more. You’re scared, but you’re excited. You have a lot to be afraid of, and a lot to look forward to. But you’ll get through all of it. Continue reading →

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ve used my heavy knowledge of both professional and collegiate basketball skills and players to dictate who will be drafted by all of your favorite NBA teams. Now – I know what you’re thinking – How does he know who’s going to get picked? and how does he know the lottery order? Well, let me tell you – The NBA draft picks and lottery order has been rigged since the end of the season, and Adam Silver keeps telling me about it because I work at the CVS by his house and he doesn’t know I run a blog. This is the real order, and these are who will be picked. I’m only doing the lottery picks because I’m lazy and I can’t make that many jokes

1. Celtics

Markelle Fultz – PG, Washington

Markelle lines up a jumper

Fultz is a high-caliber, high-upside kind of point-guard that you want on a talented but still developing young team like we’ve seen in Boston. Brad Stevens needs a great point guard, and he has one already, but he has the potential to see an all-time great talent in Fultz. Markelle Fultz can space the floor and play unselfishly exactly like a coach like Stevens would need for his success. He’ll have to wait behind Isaiah, but when the time comes, he’ll be a deadly pick. The Nets will rue the day that they traded this pick.

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