Joe Bush dot Net

LAWRENCE, KS – In a twist that can only be described as “completely believable”, local dumb idiot and college student Joe Bush purchased several notebooks at a Target before realizing that they were Wide Ruled and, in his words, “worthless”.

“Ahhhh, well. That’s… my bad.” said Bush, 21, about the fact that he clearly bought the wrong product. He also claims that he has neither the desire nor the ability to make use of wide ruled notebooks in any effective context. Yet, still, he will not return them.

“I can’t walk back into a target and return six dollars worth of notebooks. I’ll just have to use them in some context. I’ll write notes about everyday life or something. I’ll keep tabs on my oil changes or, like, DVDs that I want to buy, or something. I’ll figure it out.”

Bush, pictured here with a box of apple juice, is described by many as “average”

Bush, who one time bought a 12-pack of Tab cola because he thought it would be funny, also purchased the wrong amount of notebooks. This is because he’s an idiot.

“They only had one box full of notebooks left at the Target. I just grabbed as many as I could. That turned out to be eight. I’m only taking five classes, and I’m not going to use them for any classes. I don’t know what to do. I’ll like, write jokes on them. Or rap lyrics, maybe. Or regular lyrics. Or draw more of those “Maurice” comics I drew in the 12th grade.”

The Maurice comics he drew in the 12th grade are a collection of bad comics about… like… an arrow sign with legs on it. It’s not good. He came up with the character during a bathroom break at a student journalism conference.

Yeah, this was one of them. Real alternative humor, there, eighteen year old Joe

Joe spent four dollars on five notebooks at a nearby Wal-Mart even though he knows he’s supposed to feel bad about shopping at Wal-Mart. He is conflicted, but the ends and the means are very limited and ultimately probably unlinked here. The release of the next “Maurice” comic, “Maurice Goes to Graceland”, is in production and may or may not be released.

Hey Guys! I just got back from my first cruise, and I can’t be happier! I had a whale of a time and I’ll never forget the lessons I learned! As always, the Joe Bush Dot Net Tip Team is here to tell you exactly how to have the best time of your life as you rock and roll through the middle of the ocean, miles away from any land if any emergencies happen.

Ask for Extra Towels

They’ll give them to you. I saw the room where they keep the towels. They have like 3000. At least. They’ll give them to you.

Continue reading →

Toy Story is a classic film, one of Disney’s best, Computer-Generated animation’s earliest, and one of America’s most beloved films. Now that Donald Trump is the country’s president, I took a look back at this classic film to find that, really, I think I related to many if not all of these scenes about the same as I always did. I’m not a horribly political person so I’m not surprised, but, still, here it is

Meeting Buzz Lightyear

“Oh really? I’m from Playskool” said Mr. Potato Head. President-elect Trump said things as well. I don’t see how these things relate, though Continue reading →

Aaron Carter’s account of the party he threw at some point during the summer of 2000 is slanted to hell and completely inaccurate. The song he made about his “party of the year” is downright libelous, and tries to normalize a party that really should have been locked away and forgotten forever. Ever since the release of “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” I have been pressured to remain silent by Mr. Carter and the Carter family. However, I have had a change of heart. Too many people have a stunted idea of what happened at Aaron’s Party, and who came, and who got it, at this party. I have picked a few lyrics from this lie of a song and I will bring them to the light of a truth that has abandoned us for the past sixteen years.

“I said Mom, Dad, yo why ya sittin home
It’s a Friday night, have you seen Aunt Joan”

“Aunt Joan” is a myth. “Aunt Joan” was a satanic cult gathering attended by Carter’s parents. Aaron Carter was in the same satanic cult. Nick was not, as he was successful with the Backstreet Boys, and didn’t need the light of satan to be successful. The family had several photos of themselves sans Nick set up around their house, and the ones with Nick in them had his face taped over with a black “x”, which was big enough to cover but small enough to know that it was Nick and that he was not wanted.

He may not look the part, but he is the only hope we have. Praise be to Nick.

“Joan Carter”, or “JC” is the phrase used by the Carter for the antichrist they worshipped, a purposeful inversion of the “Jesus Christ” worshipped by many. I walked into their (rather large) living room to see one giant pentagram on the wall above their fireplace. They had another, smaller pentagram on the ground as well. It became a dance floor around 10:33 PM.

“I’m crankin’ up the stereo like it’s New Years
Walkin’ ’round the house like who’s Da Man”

Ain’t nobody do it like Aaron can. That’s what we said. When we arrived, he blasted a mix of backwards gregorian chant, slowed down Black Sabbath records, every Backstreet Boys album except with Nick’s verses cut out, and 2 Unlimited’s “Ready for This” through a stereo system. At least, I thought it was a stereo system, though I could hear the music at the same volume and clarity no matter where I stood in proximity to the speaker system itself.

“I guess somewhere along I lost my head
Then I jumped on table, this is what I said”

This lyric leads into the chorus. Aaron lit a table on fire and started throwing photographs of Nick into the blaze.

“Things are goin’ great
Then to my surprise
Some people walked in, I didn’t recognize
I said fellas, yo, ya gotta get out”

Aaron very much recognized these men, and this is why he wanted them out. They knew the Carter family secrets, were loyal to Nick and the rest of the backstreet boys (except for Howie), and made a plan to break up the party and the cult contained within. Aaron was able to use force and coercion to get these men out periodically, but was unable to contain them for long.

“Then walked in
The girl I’m crushin'”

Aaron was actually very taken by this one girl who walked in. I would by lying if I said it wasn’t a little heartfelt, despite the flames.

“And the kid spilled juice
On my Mom’s new cushion”

The “cushion” he’s talking about was one particular ottoman that had become the center of the foul debauchery of this night – sacrifice, coitus, and several other horrors I either can’t describe or my brain has pushed out took place on this unholy ottoman. The “juice” he’s talking about was a mix between bong water, my own vomit, absinthe, liquid heroin, and someone else’s vomit.

“I turned around and
Another kid broke the lamp
They got them from France”

The “lamp” is referencing an eternally burning pentagram that rested on one coffee table. It was broken. “France” references the country of France, in western Europe.

It was after the lamp was broken that Aaron decided to take action. Like the house from Night Trap on the Sega CD, Aaron’s house was loaded with traps and knives that would swing down from the ceiling, like some unholy murder house. Seeing as this was an unholy murder house, Aaron took to “eliminating” the lamp breakers and getting them to get out of there by force.

“Is that a car door
Oh dang, I’m in trouble
Everybody get out now
On the double
I’m dead (you’re done) that’s it for me
I’m gonna be picked off my family tree”

In this scene, Aaron’s parents come home. The fear of being “picked off of the family tree” was real, seeing how they did the same thing with Nick prior to Aaron, and the rumors of a sister, Bertha, who was locked in the attic, swirled around the party like so much blood and absinthe. The “everybody get out” bit was a lie, though, as we all tried to run but the doors were locked.

“Once Mom finds out ’bout this party I had
I don’t even wanna start thinkin’ about dad”

oh, shit, uh, well… uh… I guess the uh… the casual child abuse was cool in 2000

“I’m hustlin around the house
Trying to clean up the mess
I sure put my new white Nikes to the test”

The shoes were a bizarre factor of this party. Everyone else was covered in sheep’s blood, as tends to happen at a gathering of this particular blood cult, but Aaron was spotless. In fact, his white Nikes were shining, glistening, almost giving off a light. Word at the party was that he stole them from his Christ-like older brother Nick, and his possession of the shoes was the one thing keeping him grounded to this earth. If Nick were ever to repossess the shoes, Aaron would return to hell and Nick would return to heaven. That is only a rumor, though.

“The car door slammed
And they’re walking up the steps
I guess life is good with 10 seconds left
(AARON!!!???!!!)

Grounded”

Oh, grounded is right. As in “Aaron sent everyone to the basement to escape through an underground tunnel.” Aaron himself was only seen again a week later, in school, still wearing the perverted angelic Air Maxes, telling everyone tales of this completely normal, yet completely sanitized party that had apparently happened a week before. Some people’s minds were changed to remember a regular party. Some people’s weren’t, but they kept quiet out of fear that they’d be excommunicated like Nick was. I was one of them. I was one of them until now. I know he’s coming for me.