I Went to a Spring Training Baseball Game on Monday

This is the baseball stadium in Surprise, Arizona. In comparison to every spring training baseball stadium I’ve ever been to, this one is the best. It is also the only one I’ve ever been to. I haven’t been to a baseball game since May of 2015, as documented here. I’ve never been to a preseason baseball game before – I don’t think I’ve ever been to a preseason anything before – so this was a new experience all around.IMG_4048.JPG Continue reading

Posted in Sportstalkin | Leave a comment

JoeBush.net is Welcome and Open to All, Except for the Neighbor Kid Who Put a Stomp Rocket on My Roof

It’s been a rough past few months. Sometimes I worry that we’re getting too far from the humanity that makes us who we are. Sometimes I worry that we’re not seeing each other for whom we are. Sometimes I worry that I’m gonna have to get on a ladder and get a children’s toy down from off of my roof.

stomp rocket children

Jerry, your boys are out of hand. I need you to know that.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

All 23 Secret Dr. Pepper Flavors: RANKED

Dr. P.png

It’s the One You Crave! It’s the ol’ Dr. P! The Pep in your Step! Just what the Doctor ordered! Twenty Three Flavors of Unkempt Taste! Tasty Brown Liquid! It Goes Right in Your Mouth and You Drink! The 23 Classic Flavors of Dr. Pepper have been kept under wraps for too long. But, me and the JoeBush.net Research Team have cracked the encrypted code that they keep hidden on drpepper.com, and I’m bringing all 23 Flavors to you, ranked in my own personal order, picked by myself.

Qk4BuiK - Imgur.gif

23. Sugar

Of course there’s sugar in there. It hurts my teeth every time I drink the stuff, so it must be in there. This was a no-brainer, and I wasn’t surprised at all to find it.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What I think of La La Land’s Best Picture Snub, as Someone Who Has Not Seen a Film Since 2002’s “John Q.”

image

So – I did not see La La Land, and I also did not see Moonlight, or The Sea’s Manchester, or the fence one, or the math one – or any of these either:

Searchlight

The Argo

Meet Llewyn Davis

Super Size Me

Any of the Batmen Series

I watched one film, starring Denzel Washington in a situation where he had to decide between saving his son and obeying the law of the land in the summer of 2002, and I haven’t watched any since then, because to be honest, there’s nothing better than that.

I can understand how many people may be confused by the favorite, La La Land, a movie about singing, I think, was upset by another well-regarded film, Moonlight, which is based off of the TV show from the 80s. I think I know the answer.

johnq_pg01

Denzel Washington, who was not in La La Land, speaks into a weird phone

What La La Land lacked –

Might as well call it La La Lacking, while we’re at it. Because it’s lacking one major thing, and that I think is a psychological thriller starring an A-List actor who has to answer an age old ethics question – Save your family, or follow the law? I don’t know if Ryan Gosling has to do this in his Jazz Film, but if they ever remake it or make a La La Land II, that’s one direction potentially to head in. What Moonlight Had –

  1. Bruce Willis
  2. Potentially, again, I don’t know for sure, a psychological and ethical thriller asking and answering the question – Is your family’s life worth the strife of others? This would be an impeccable thing to cover in a big budget movie based off of a television show from the late 1980s, and if Moonlight did indeed cover this idea, then it’s an award well earned
78cf72d1d9f4

This scene, wherein Denzel reads to his sick son, is not present in Ryan Gosling’s Jazz Film

Why casting matters –

La La Land, as far as I can tell from the Microsoft Encarta page, did not feature Denzel Washington, one of America’s greatest actors, in a starring role. This would have significantly helped the film.

Keen readers may point out that, according to the Microsoft Encarta page, Moonlight also does not feature American Icon Denzel Washington in a starring role. However, Moonlight won the award, and La La Land did not. This would have been an easy way for La La Land to have made up whatever Denzel-sized distance was between the two films, but they didn’t act on it. Think about that next time.

real-john-q-archibald-long-imprisoned_4d631e4be891e0fe

This scene, which was not in the Oscar not-winning film La La Land, is emotional and heart torquing

Why setting matters – 

La La Land was set in Los Angeles, I think? La La Land is like either Los Angeles or the state that my third grade teacher said I was in when I was daydreaming about meeting either Timmy Turner from The Fairly Odd Parents or Denzel Washington, possibly both some days. A lot of movies are set in Los Angeles, is what I’m saying. That’s like, the whole point of Barton Fink, is that you set movies in Los Angeles. You know where a lot of movies aren’t set? A working-class suburb of Chicago. That’s what would’ve set Los Angeles Land apart from Moonlight, setting the film in a working-class suburb of Chicago in the early ‘aughts and also at a hospital.

I don’t think Moonlight was set on the moon itself, but if it was, then I can understand why it won.

7b544f25d0954b2a50c0bc9da75c924b-john-q-1470131446

A scene not in La La Land, which did indeed not win an Oscar

Overall, the Oscar’s going to go to the film that best explains the pain and difficulty of holding a gun to your own head in order to force a positive transplant for your son, and that film probably was Moonlight, though, again, I stress that I have not seen it.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

What is America’s BEST College Bar?

college-bar-band

A lot of people tell me – “Joe, you seem like the type of guy who would drive around to different towns just to visit where the Freshmen can get in and down a pint or two!” And you’d be right, sadly. I’ve spent the last three years traveling the United States in search of America’s best College Bar. My criteria are simple – The music has to be pumping, the kids must be jumping, and the teams must be at the heart of the bar’s atmosphere. I’ve found that all of these bars PERFECTLY exemplify that. Maybe your old haunt will turn up on the list – and if it doesn’t, let me know about it and you may see me there at 2:30 in the morning halfway through a sixth bottle of Rolling Rock while playing Wario Land 4 on a Modified Game Boy Advance. I will also be crying, but don’t let that throw you. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

WATCH: KU Student Breaks Guinness World Record for Loudest Single Person Indoor High Pitched Noise in Apartment Bathroom!

LAWRENCE – It had been a long time coming, it seems, but Joe Bush has finally broken the indoor high pitched noise decibel record. Bush, 21, has been described as “clumsy, but overall an okay driving school student”. He reached into a bathroom sink to wash his hands and ended up uttering the high pitched noise, which reached a peak of 8.22 Decibels.

“Hot” he said, when asked how the water felt to make him screech that way. “Water hot. Hand hurt for a lil bit.”

In an interview with nobody in particular, Bush thanked his family, his plumber, and his legions of adoring fans of his website where he fake shills for a chocolate product and writes about Italo House and sports he invented or something. Bush’s hand is in critical condition and will likely be amputated.

Subscribe to Joe Bush Dailies on YouTube here

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

An Open Letter to King Vortigano

Look.

If I could go back in time, I would. If I could go back and change everything, I swear, I would. But I can’t do that. That’s not how time works, and you, a 1000+ year old deceased king, should know that.

It’s time to make amends where we need to make amends. I know I robbed your tomb. I know you have sworn to curse me and my bloodline for all eternity. We both did something wrong to the other. I’m ready to own up to my flaws. Are you?

I Hereby Formally Apologize for Robbing your Centuries Old Tomb.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

OFFICIAL SUPER BOWL LI SIMULATION IN MADDEN NFL 99

snapshot_20170203_120334

HEY FOLKS

“DO YOU LIKE BIG TIME FOOTBALL? THE HITS? THE BOOM? THE DOINK? THE WHAP? WELL, HEY, IT’S ALL HERE – THIS IS MY GAME” -John Madden, Opening Cinematic, Madden NFL 99

IT’S FEBRUARY ONCE AGAIN, AND IT’S TIME FOR THE BIG GAME AT THE END OF THE SEASON™, WHERE THE TWO BEST TEAMS IN THE LEAGUE COMPETE FOR THE ONE MOST IMPORTANT TROPHY IN THE LEAGUE, THE VINCE LOMBARDI MEMORIAL COLUMN WITH FOOTBALL ATOP IT.

Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Top Recipes for When You’ve Realized Nothing Means Anything and Every God Damned Thing is False Apparently

In the words of Len Gibbons – “Hey! Here we are.” This is where life is, I guess, and I can’t really get specific – not out of this being too general, but really out of the fact that I can’t name all of the world’s problems and they’re splashed on my damn internet all day long anyhow. Nothing is real, I guess, but also I still have to eat, I guess, so here are hot recipes for you and your constituents or whoever is near you when you’re cooking or possessing food from now until I guess the end of time, now. Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Ways to make your Pro Bowl Party a Success!

Get ready! it’s time to gather some buds and watch the NFL’s best players play against each other in Hawai’iOrlando, Florida! What could be better? It’s 11 on 11, the best players in the league, and the sun, the fun, and the great weather in Hawai’iOrlando, Florida! Gather around some friends and, like Chris Berman said, get ready to ruummmmbllleeee! Here are a few ways to turn your Pro Bowl party into a success!

Pro Bowl Football Continue reading

Posted in Sportstalkin | Leave a comment